She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
