What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
