Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
