tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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