When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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