he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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