You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
