so explain again why im purple
no
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
