i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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