You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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