I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
