i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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