And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
