I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
