So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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