it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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