I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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