Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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