I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
