she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
