i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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