That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
