also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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