When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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