low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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