on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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