I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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