My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
