just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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