your room smells of hookers.
And success
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
