Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
