So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
