I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I did not marry a roomba.
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