I'd wear matching sweaters with you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
