pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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