I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
