I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
