i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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