I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
