I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
