Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
