u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you had me at cake vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
