her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
