so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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