Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
