I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
