Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
