i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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