My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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