it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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