I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
