Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
