I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I deserve this hangover.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
