Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
