if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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