matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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