I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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