Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
