I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
