I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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