im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
