Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
