A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
