LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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