Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
