dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
