Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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