I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
