Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
