Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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