There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
