If i come over, it means nothing
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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